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At the beginning of each “Coaching for Leaders” podcast (find it here), host Dave Stachowiak posits, “Leaders aren’t born – they’re made.” I’ve pondered this statement or question (are leaders born or made?) for years. Who and what made the greats – the leaders we admire and respect? I consider myself a very good leader. I only state this because of the feedback I’ve been given over the years, even recently in my small businesses. How did I get here? Was I born with some inherent characteristics? Was leadership always in my DNA? Or am I solely a product of my environment and my choices – mistakes and correctness? Am I a product of the leaders and subordinates who’ve populated my journey?

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“I told her we close at 5pm and she was like, all upset.” I’m standing at the checkout counter at a store this week listening to this associate complaining as she swiped my items and tallied up my total purchase. Her attention was not on me as she mindlessly swiped each item and stuffed it into the big plastic shopping bag. “Those pesky customers – always wanting to shop here and spend their money. So inconsiderate!” I stated in a joking tone. She and her co-worker laughed with a slight look of shock on their face. “I wish they would just leave us alone,” I continued. They laughed again but seemed a bit taken by what I said. Perhaps their inappropriate comments were beginning to sink in – my humorous way of teaching them a serious lesson. Never. Never talk bad about the very lifeblood of your organization – patrons. Especially right in front of one.

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I’m leveraging the news of President Joe Biden stepping down from reelection for a second term as President of the United States. And that’s as close as I’ll get to politics. Switching now to leadership, when should a leader step down? The answer and indeed, the act is very important and significant. A leader stepping down can have and usually does have a substantial impact on an organization, big or small. Leaders form and foster relationships with individuals and between teams and stakeholders. They form and foster trust and espouse vision and values. Their words and deeds are usually embraced by the organization. Leaders set tone and that tone permeates their organization. Often a leader’s impact on their team exists below the surface where people react and perform somewhat subconsciously following a leader’s guidance, using his or her words, and or to impress him or her. When a leader steps down, in an instant, all that impact and influence is gone. The void left by his or her departure, even if it is celebrated can be traumatic.

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In a vast majority of leadership relationships, the leader possesses the requisite power and influence over whom he or she leads. This power and influence typically come in the form of a paycheck or the ability to terminate employment or a contract with a vendor. While leadership is not about using this power and influence as a threat, it does help the leader lead. If one of my people does not meet my intent or live by the values we subscribe to in my business, I, indeed, our whole team will vote him or her off the proverbial island. If a contractor does not meet my expectations, I’m moving on.

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“Maybe I’m being a little prisoner of the moment…” said Skip Bayless, a sports commentator and columnist for ESPN following the 25-point come-from-behind overtime win by the New England Patriots over the Atlanta Falcons in Superbowl LI in 2017. Whether it is a celebration of a big accomplishment or sitting among the wreckage of a disaster, these moments seem to swallow us up. It is a leader’s job to recognize when they are a prisoner of the moment. Notice I did not say overcome being a prisoner. Indeed, it is hard not to let the things which happen to us, and our teams impact us in significant ways. The operative word here is recognize. I believe leaders must constantly operate at a higher elevation than their organization and its people – meaning they must be able to ‘see’ bigger and further, pick up on emotions, grievances, and even celebrations or shock which lacks true merit.

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Do you work in an organization rich with drama where emotions are exposed frequently – where rumors and innuendos are formed by the stories people create in their heads and come to believe as fact? Are you a leader in such an organization? Here are my thoughts.

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Here is an excerpt of "Left and Right of the Boom. The Art of Leadership, Before, During, and After Crisis"

On the morning of March 8, 2009, I awoke after a restless night’s sleep on a remote base near the border of Pakistan. I was a United States Army Lieutenant Colonel and the Commander of 1 st Squadron, 40 th Cavalry Regiment, Airborne deployed to Afghanistan. That sunny, mild morning would turn dark. A life would be lost to an improvised explosive device or IED on the front end of a 12-month deployment - the life of Private First Class Patrick Devoe from Auburn, New York. At once my unit was thrust into crisis and it would need the best of my leadership. 

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“Are we exceptional?” I asked (or challenged) this of my people in one of my businesses. I stress this quite a bit in my businesses. The way I see it, we have a choice. We can be like any other business, not special in any way – just a business where people show up, complete tasks, offer products and services, clock out and repeat. Our customers will respond to that. Or we can be exceptional – going the extra mile for each other and our customers. We can be exceptional in our performance being the very best we can be, operating in the ‘band of excellence’ in everything we do.

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If you’ve read my books, you know me as a definition man. It is from my military upbringing. Definitions strip away the ambiguity around giving directives. They provide common ground and understanding for everyone. They provide the needed clarity subordinates and collaborators seek. Definitions can be remarkably effective in simplifying things for people. And, in times of crisis, clarity and simplification are paramount.

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Read that quote above one more time and ponder how you or a leader of yours reacted to a previous crisis. I implore you to pause, if only momentarily, when crisis strikes and remind yourself that you’ve “been here before” in a training scenario or a previous crisis or operational disruption. Maybe in that moment of pause, you’ll even remember what I’m about to offer in my coming book, Left and Right of the Boom. I wrote this book for you so it might serve as your personal training for every “boom!” that awaits you. The power of reflection — of coming back to the muscle memory of crisis response — has served me well when things have blown up in my life and career. In countless scenarios played out on training grounds, in classrooms, and on battlefields, I was guided indeed by reason, principles, and my core beliefs, moral code, and values, but mostly by my training. Practice may or may not “make perfect,” but having been there — in body and spirit — allows us to start from a place of experience when crisis strikes.

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Not everyone desires to lead yet, we are all leaders. Whenever I host leadership training – typically in the first session, I poll the group asking, “who here is a leader?” Not all the hands go up. I then challenge the group, “all of you are leaders.” Leadership is influence and each of us is influencing someone – children, clients, salespeople, and even our bosses each day. We use a variety of communication means, reason, logic, even emotions, and facial expressions to get others to do what they otherwise might not. While everyone leads in some fashion, formal leaders hold a position – manager, director, Vice President, CEO, Mom or Dad to name a few. With this position comes sacrifice. You up for it?

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I’ve always believed in leader presence – how a leader communicates and behaves – how they carry themselves, even how they dress. Should leaders have perks? Special treatment? These are valid questions, and the best leaders will wrestle with them. As a leader, I typically had the biggest office and more staff around me to help me. I made more money than anyone else. I didn’t view these things as perks, rather, requirements and reimbursements for the job I had to perform and for carrying all the risk in an organization. My bigger office allowed me to think strategically away from the hustle and bustle. It allowed me to meet with people in private in the convenience of my own office amidst a demanding schedule. Those who assisted me, helped me lead more effectively benefiting everyone. If the ship sank I, and only I would go down with it. All of this said, I still operated with humility. I still enjoyed rolling up my sleeves to be with the team to show them that I was not above hard, sometimes dirty work. Along with this, I wanted to look like my people in terms of dress, but not always.

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I own a painting company. We do interior and exterior, all surface painting. I started it last year in part because of my horrible experience with painters. I went through four painters to paint my blinds business showroom. One never showed up, two showed up and did some measurements and I never heard from them again, and the third showed up, painted but then deceived me as to the final cost. I knew I could do it better. I found a fine young man of character to partner with to start and run a painting company. We had many discussions, I conducted ample research into the trade, and we built a plan.

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In sports, the debate rages – player or coach as the key to a team’s championships? Most notable is the Brady Belichick debate. Was Tom Brady, the New England Patriot’s quarterback responsible for 6 championships – an impossible feat in a challenging league such as the National Football League? Was it coach Bill Belichick who was the key to the Patriot’s success? I’ll leave this debate to the sports fanatics and pundits and shift to leadership. I don’t believe a single person can carry the day. For this blog player will mean subordinate, and coach, leader or boss.

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Think about roles you have fulfilled in companies and organizations. You probably had a primary role you fulfilled or task that you accomplished which contributed to a greater overall mission. If you got your part right, all was good – a single swimming lane. You may have been a leader overseeing several lanes, unable to focus on a single one, hoping everyone would not only perform superbly in their lane but contribute to the other lanes in support of the greater mission and vision.

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Ah electronic mail, otherwise known as email. I, along with many of you are old enough to remember its advent. The contemporary workplace, indeed, our world has benefitted from email – sending what used to take a pen and paper or a typewriter and some postage in a matter of seconds. One can even attach additional documents, website links, pictures, and videos with ease.  With a simple click of a button, message sent. One of the benefits of email is that it prevents constant interruptions. Send something and the receiver can open and read it at their convenience. The ease and convenience of email, however, requires discipline and a methodology understood by sender and receiver. Otherwise, messages can be misunderstood, inconvenient, poorly delivered, and even inappropriate.

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Investigations. Everyone despises them. Investigations send a message of, “you’ve done wrong, and we will get you.” What moral and ethical leader of character wants that? Unfortunately, investigations are a part of our lives in organizations and in leadership. Indeed, investigations are useful when the truth must be determined, and the innocent protected. They should be done to determine wrongdoing and root causes of problems in the quest for a greater good – not out of spite or because you dislike a person.

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Lest we forget this Memorial Day Weekend. I had the honor of speaking at the dedication of a Fallen Heroes Memorial in San Mateo, California this week. The event was special and moving in so many ways. In honor of the fallen, I worked diligently and carefully on this speech. It captures my feelings of Memorial Day, how I believe the fallen still have a voice, and what messages and legacies they leave for us. Here is an excerpt of it. Share it with your co-workers, family, and friends because lest we forget.

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I’ll throw these ugly words at you right away, like a punch in the face: policy, compliance, non-disclosure, and human resource. There are plenty more. When I hear these words I shift in my seat. They pull me from my core belief as a leader – investing in people toward something impersonal. I spend time on this in Chapter 2 of my first book, “It’s Personal, Not Personnel.” These ugly words counter positive and impactful words which serve as the backbone of a life loving and leading people – for instance, trust, relationships, transparency, belonging, people. There are many more of course. Indeed, these ugly words have a place in the modern business, though I believe leaders must take extra steps through effective communication to ensure everyone on their team understands their intent behind the use of these words.

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This blog comes to you from Costa Rica! I’m enjoying a relaxing week with my wife Leslie at a coastal resort. The Cost Rican people are warm and friendly, and this trip has been eventless with ample pool time and lovely people bringing us things – all by design. Costa Rica is a small, relatively poor country yet very stable for Central America. It attracts many Americans. Our rooms are equipped with American standard electrical B Type outlets and USB ports for charging phones and computers. Debit cards work easily here and there is generous internet coverage. My cell phone might have a few less G’s but it works great as if I were home at work. All this modern technology poses a problem. I can remain connected to work in real time.

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