Meet the family
"You are your own master..." Buddha
What name do you give that other version of yourself and when does he or she serve you well or poorly? We all have those other versions of us - "here comes Alice or Bob!" They can be triggered by things such as hunger, intoxication, impatience, et cetera. Often they are noticed by those close to us - spouses or siblings. In leadership, effective leaders take note of and understand these people, and they know when they are useful or not. My coach Jim Hughes put me through this self-awareness exercise and I've leaned on it ever since as I lead and interact with my friends, loved ones, and the world. There are eight versions of me. The rules don't apply to Wilhelm. Lloyd is the commander who can rally the team and take the hill. Hugh is resentful and jealous. Today I'd like you to meet Cecil.
Cecil is as stubborn as they come, deaf to others and hell-bent on getting something done. He won't let many things get in his way and he won't stop to listen. He is triggered when I know an outcome must be achieved, when I get stuck on an idea I think has merit, when my ego is out of the pen, free to roam and when I want to show others I'm committed to a shared goal. Cecil is useful for tasks which must be completed. He serves me well at 5 a.m. on Mondays and Fridays when I write my blogs. Over 110,000 words are a testament to Cecil. He serves me well in entrepreneurship where I must muster all of the tenacity I can to overcome obstacles, force myself to do things I don't particularly enjoy or I find extremely challenging. He is not useful when patience is key, when I should listen to and heed the wisdom of others - superiors and subordinates alike.
The model for getting acquainted with your own 'family' is this:
Describe the person. What are his or her traits? How would you describe them to a stranger?
What triggers him or her? What environmental or personal conditions must exist for this person to arrive? Think back to when this person had center stage. What conditions caused that?
When is he or she useful? Think of the scenario where this is the person you want on center stage, with the hand mike and spotlight. Keep in mind the scenario does not need to be a positive one. The important thing with this step is just identifying it for what it is. Sometimes the worse versions of ourselves may be useful in certain situations.
When is he or she not useful? When would you not want him or her to have center stage, the hand mike, and spotlight? When does this person not serve you or others well?
This exercise, if only done in your head, is an important step to leading well. Often I need to reel Cecil in, push him off the stage. Sometimes he is the man. Wind him up and let him go! The key is a raised level of internal awareness and steps you can take to manage your own family, such as taking a break to gather yourself or removing yourself from a situation. You'll do this mostly in your head. Others around you will have no idea that you are managing this wayward group called your own family.
Poor leaders have no awareness and control over their own family. Great leaders know their family well and leverage or marginalize them when the situation requires. Who is your Cecil?
Make it Personal!
Rob
Rob Campbell