It's because you don't want the answer
"When we avoid difficult conversations, we trade short-term discomfort for long-term dysfunction." Peter Bromberg
Failing to ask important, challenging questions? It could be that you are afraid of what the answer might be. Questions like, "you seem to be impatient today, is everything ok?" or "how can I communicate better with you?" are the type of questions which address the true feelings of our people. When handled right, they strengthen relationships and increase efficiency. Unfortunately too many leaders avoid them.
In the book "Difficult Conversations: How to Discuss What Matters Most," by Douglas Stone, Bruce Patton, Shelia Heen, and Roger Fisher, the authors present three types of difficult conversations.
The "What Happened?" Conversation. Avoid the 'who is right or wrong' and instead explore each other's stories to learn something new. Ask then listen. Avoid blaming and think in terms of how the problem can best be solved.
The "Feelings" conversation. Get a sense of how someone feels about a decision, a topic, or an action by a leader or teammate. Validate their feelings but strive to understand why they feel as they do. If you cannot grasp how someone might feel about something, probe a bit more.
The "Identity" conversation. What is at stake is discussed in this conversation. What does a person stand to lose or gain? What impact might the conversation have on their career? An example might be trying to discover why a person is always late for meetings.
Relationships and work environments can sour if leaders are not willing to ask difficult questions and have real conversations with their people. This is not to say, stir the pot of controversy each day. Indeed, the timing of difficult questions should be right, meaning there ought to be sufficient time to discuss real issues and for leaders to listen.
I can't make them easy - hence the word difficult. Welcome to leadership. Don't overthink this. If your heart is in the right place, if you truly care and want what is best for your people, you have all you need for these conversations. Remember, you do not have to have all the answers but don't let it stop you from asking the questions.
Make it Personal!
Rob
Rob Campbell