Talk about the elephant
"When there's an elephant in the room introduce him." Randy Pausch
We've all heard 'the elephant in the room' expression which means acknowledging an important and even controversial topic. These are real conversations which ought to be had between leader and led. Real conversations are ones which stick, ones which get to core issues, ones which, if done right, build trust. Of course, it is not always healthy to rush toward controversy but leaders can ask subtle questions, showing genuine concern to tease out core feelings, to speak from the heart. Here are some fictitious examples to best illustrate this.
"Jeremy, you are not yourself this morning. Is everything ok?" Elephant: Jeremy's demeanor. A good leader picks up on that but does not sprint toward accusations or reprimand. The leader needs to be prepared to explain to Jeremy what he or she is seeing in his behavior and to listen to Jeremy.
"Boss, I can tell you are losing patience on this project. Why don't we carve out some extra time so I can show you the current progress, obstacles and risks?"Elephant: Boss's impatience. The subordinate leader in this case notices the impatience and moves directly toward it. The alternative would be not to say anything in hopes that his or her patience will eventually return.
"Courtney, I really appreciate how you handled that situation yesterday with Sarah. I thought your patience, professionalism and listening skills were remarkable." Elephant: The leader's admiration of Courtney's approach with Sarah. Even gratitude can be an elephant. Our egos stand in the way of accolades for our people. We get so busy that we move from one event to the next without pausing to recognize something we believe to be remarkable. The leader in this case may have avoided this praise out of embarrassment, shining the light on another person. Opportunity missed.
These can be hard conversations which may backfire. Yet, through genuine concern and back and forth dialogue, leaders and subordinates can address important topics which, if left unaddressed, may only grow worse. That said, there are some elephants which can remain in the room without mention. The key is knowing when to acknowledge them. Don't sprint toward controversy at every turn. Be judicious but always have your elephant radar up!
There will be some elephants in your room this week. Even virtual elephants which are just as important. What will you do?
Need some coaching on how to be on the lookout for elephants and how to have challenging conversations addressing them? I can help. Reach out or refer me today and I'll do my stuff.
Make it Personal!
Rob
Rob Campbell