An outstanding ratio to add to your leadership kit bag!
Welcome to the month of May! The weather is warming, trees are greening and it seems many places are coming out of COVID restrictions to bring people back together. I’ll take that as a sign of hope and better days ahead. Here is an approach for your leadership kit bag as we welcome May and sprint toward summer.
A friend introduced me to John Gottman’s 5:1 ratio. It is a relationship approach focused mostly on marriage. Here is a short article that describes it in greater detail. I’ll summarize for you. First, while we are not ‘married’ to those we lead, the relationship between leader and led is very marriage-like. A union is formed between two people. The relationship is one of mutual benefit and it comes with affection, status, and even conflict. The relationship is professional (or ought to be) meaning there is no requirement to ‘like’ one another but it sure helps. At a minimum, there must be mutual respect and trust. Open up your kit bag. Here it is.
For every 1 negative statement or act which occurs between the leader and led, there must be 5 positive statements or acts to strike a healthy balance in the relationship. Many of us have worked for people who throw 1’s at us all day long ignoring the 5’s. Thomas leads Katie in a busy and demanding company. He pushes Katie to perform at her peak and often he must be negative with her to foster growth.
"Katie, your performance in yesterday’s briefing was not your best. Help me understand what went wrong and how I can help you perform better.”
That is negative in tone but required. You cannot and should not avoid negativity (as long as it has good intentions – more in a future blog!) in leadership. Other negatives can be raising of one’s voice, not listening (and knowing it) and failing to recognize a person’s performance or important personal milestone. There are many and I challenge you to raise your level of consciousness from this point forward as you lead. Here are a few from the 5 families;
“How was your weekend?”
“I’m picking up coffee, would you like one?”
“Katie, thanks for what you are doing. I just wanted you to know I appreciate ya!”
Strike a balance, a 5:1 balance that is. It is not about keeping score. After you pat a subordinate on the back, you are not free to tell them they suck. The point is to be more aware of how you lead, to use the Gottman rubric in your approach. It’s 7:20 AM Eastern Time. I’ve blogged most of you early today. Kick-off the week and May the right way. “What’s in your kitbag?”
Call to action. Like the trees and flowers, which are growing and greening around us, so too are leaders. Let me tend to the garden of leadership. Reach out to me or connect me with a deserving leader and I’ll do my thing!
Make it Personal!
Rob
Rob Campbell