Thanksgiving dinner and the political powder keg
"The aim of argument, or of discussion, should not be victory, but progress." Joseph Joubert
Happy Thanksgiving. Amidst the horrific events of 10/7 and what seems to be a weekly if not daily dose of political divergence I am thankful for quite a bit this year. I'm eager to assemble with family and friends and to celebrate the season with those I love and employ. But what about politics? Should we go there? World affairs and political discussions are sure to be contentious. Instead of rejoicing and admiring and enjoying the holiday turkey, we might set off a powder keg of emotions and anger.
I've learned to stay away from politics, especially in the workplace. It used to be easier to stay away from politics. Not long ago we didn't have such a political divide and politics pumping into our daily lives through 24/7 news and smart phones pushing message after message. I think, while it is smart to steer away from politics, it might be too hard. If you must go there, here are some Rob Campbell rules of the game. These are not surefire ways to avoid arguments but they will help.
Agree not to go there. Make a pact right up front, especially knowing that others differ, not to discuss politics.
Agree to keep the discussion unemotional. This is difficult but it is worth a try.
Formally find common ground. Once in the breach of the political discussion, formally state that which you have in common. This may be love for one another, a common cause and mission, or a common end state such as a better world. We all agree on many things. Bring those agreements to the forefront.
Acknowledge that you will not change the mind of the other party. While it may be desirable, it should not be the goal. Learning and understanding should.
Show interest. Learn. Say things such as, "tell me more," "that is interesting." Don't say, "what do you mean by that?" "why would you say that?"
Listen. Don't listen to respond. Listen to understand. We have all experienced those people who, you can tell, are not listening. They are impatiently waiting to respond or they rudely interrupt. Listen.
Insert humor. Humor can be an excellent way to break the ice or relieve the tension. Crack a joke. Call a technical foul.
Don't offer books, or podcasts. Sometimes we want others to make our case for us so we steer people toward a video, or book which we believe will change one's mind. It won't work. Make your own case.
Do your homework. Do your research on a topic which you know to be contentious but do so only to educate yourself, not to build your defenses. Come to the discussion prepared.
Have an exit plan. Agree to a 30 minute discussion then agree to change the subject. When things start to heat up, abruptly change the subject to sports or something apolitical to provide an escape.
We do indeed have more in common than we realize. Everyone wants a better world, workplace, and community. Focus on that which bonds us. The military succeeds at bonding people behind a cause larger than any individual. In the military we share foxholes and tank turrets. We sleep tightly packed in bunks on the lower decks of ships. We come together, politics aside, as human beings. We are all Americans.
Let the Thanksgiving table (or the workplace) be the foxhole for your friends and family. If you must discuss politics, do so with some guiding rules and with learning and growing, not defeat in mind. Share this blog. I know I differ, greatly in some cases, from some family and friends. However, I would come to their rescue in a pinch - politics be damned. Of this I have no doubt and I do my very best to remind friends and family of this. It is what helps me keep the political powder keg inert. Remember, we are all in this together.
Make it Personal!
Rob
Rob Campbell