Dealing with your emotions professionally
"Don't let your emotions overpower your intelligence." Unknown
Emotions are a difficult thing to manage, especially in leadership. Subordinates look for the steady, calm, somewhat emotionless leader, especially when tension is high. Indeed, there is a time and place for emotions. When feeling particularly sad about someone's pain or excited to take on a new challenge, there is nothing wrong with emotional leadership. Subordinates want a leader who is real and authentic after all. However, when anger is involved, emotions degrade a leader's effectiveness.
I, like any other leader, am not immune to emotions. I can feel them build up in me like a burning sensation, especially when I'm angered. I do my best to manage moments like this by not saying things which might be hurtful or by raising my voice. I try to keep my facial expressions neutral as if nothing has happened. I also use phrases to keep from sounding emotional. Here are some scenarios to describe what I'm talking about.
John tells his team that this project must wrapped up by Friday. Sarah knows this is impossible. Sarah is angered by this statement as she will lead the team for this project. Instead of barking out, "That's impossible John!," she pushes her anger aside and offers this. "Understood John. Let me huddle with the team and come back to you with our key milestones and timeline." This statement, delivered in a calm, reassuring voice, is not an affront. She acknowledges John's demand but, professionally buys some time to return to him and show him that Friday is impossible. This will allow her to control her anger and return to John professionally.
Megan criticizes the team after their third quarter sales performance which fell below expectations. "Team, our sales performance was substandard because of our work from home policy." Steve takes offense to this as he knows it is not true. It is his belief that price increases from suppliers and the new CRM application which was introduced late in the second quarter were factors. Controlling his emotions, Steve states, "Megan, I'd offer this. I believe we struggled with the new CRM application which contributed to our challenges. I'll huddle with the team to review this and our work from home policy and give you some feedback." Steve did not counter Megan. Nor did he make any excuses. He acknowledged her assessment and offered to research it. While he knows it was not an issue, he can at least appease Megan by engaging with his team to make the case that working from home was not the cause. Moreover he can spend some time exploring causes and offer Megan something concrete in terms of causes and solutions.
Put some statements and phrases in your quiver. Pull them out when emotions run high. They, along with your demeanor, will help you take the higher ground in scenarios like the ones described above which can play out everyday in the office. There is nothing healthy about blowing your top. Keep a lid on it and use more professional, unemotional language.
Make it Personal!
Rob
Rob Campbell