Disarm, don't arm
"Being at ease with himself put him at ease with the world" John Steinbeck
I was at a conference recently listening to a series of keynote speakers speak on a variety of topics. As a professional speaker myself, I’m always attentive to the delivery, voice inflections, pauses, and other mannerisms and techniques of other speakers. I wasn’t impressed with the speakers at this conference. There was one who knocked it out of the park, but the others missed the mark. I don’t like to be critical – I’m sure I’ve disappointed many an audience member. I critique usually to myself and log my criticisms as lessons to improve my own speaking.
Speakers should indeed capture the attention of their audience. They connect with their audience making an impact with their speech by telling stories, using humor, sadness, shock even, to create a memorable experience. I weave stories into my speeches, and I do use humor. I always want my audience to take something from my words, beyond inspiration and humor. I want to teach them something, but I know they may only take one or two lessons from my speeches. I want the audience’s attention, but I also want to disarm them as if we were in a cozy cafe shop sipping coffee and having a rich conversation about an important topic. I don’t want my audience tense and on edge as if I’m on the cusp of singling them out. I want the same for leadership.
Disarming your audience – your people is not easy. Leaders have powerful titles, rank, and authority which by itself is alarming. In the Army I was a full Colonel. That big eagle rank centered on my chest or perched upon my shoulders was indeed, intimidating. Colonels used to scare or ‘arm’ me as a young officer. I tried hard to disarm my people. I certainly needed their full attention and earned loyalty. I could get some of this by nature of my position. The rest of it I could get by acting vulnerable – by being myself and showing people that the Colonel was just Rob.
If I wanted to ‘arm’ my people, I could change my facial expression to something serious and stern. I could wipe away my disarming smile and I could sharpen my voice stripping it of its gentleness. I could be curt in my communication – rude even if ‘arming’ my people was my intent. There were indeed times I needed to be this way. If the team had sorely disappointed me or if I thought complacency was setting in, I could do the things I mention here and ‘arm’ them as needed. I had these moments, but I found them to be rare.
If I wanted to disarm my people, I could use humor, poking fun at someone, even myself to lighten the mood. I could smile and speak in a gentle way to set the tone of the engagement. To disarm, I might be somewhat direct stating, “relax” or “you’re safe here.” I would practice what I preach in speaking – act as if we were sipping coffee.
I believe leaders should start early to establish a disarming environment. There is a balance. Too much of one or the other will harm. I shared what I called a BIO sketch (found in my first book on leadership) which gave my subordinates the ‘open book’ of Rob Campbell. In the sketch they met the guy who had strengths and weaknesses, who shared what he believed was his core purpose and how he wanted to be remembered after he was gone, among many other things. This was an initial and enduring way to disarm my people. I followed this by practicing what I share here. When the time came to ‘arm’ I would indeed, but I always wanted to disarm as soon as I could.
If you are a keynote speaker, get your audience engaged but put them at ease. I share more on this in a previous blog. Here. Sometimes ‘arming’ them with something shocking is proper but move to ‘disarmament’ as soon as you can. If you are a leader work hard to disarm your people and teams. It won’t happen organically. You must consciously and formally disarm. And once disarmed you’ll hear and see amazing things.
Make it Personal!
Rob
Rob Campbell